This week we've been supporting Family Mediation Week by raising awareness of mediation and its benefits to separating families. In this article we consider how mediation can support separating parents in building healthier co-parenting relationships.
Family mediation provides a non-adversarial way of sorting out the disputes that can arise when couples separate. It can be particularly valuable for separating parents, allowing them to identify what matters most to them and their family, and to broker arrangements that best suit their circumstances. Here we look at five ways in which mediation can support separating parents:
- By promoting a child-centric approach: the law supports the notion that parents are best placed to decide what is right for their children. Sometimes, however, it can be difficult to agree arrangements for the children when your relationship with the other parent has become strained or emotionally charged. Mediators are adept at reframing discussions to remind parents of their shared goal of achieving what is best for their children and helping parents to move away from a "win/lose" mentality and towards a problem-solving mindset.
- By levelling the playing field: someone going through divorce or separation can sometimes be put off mediation by concerns about an imbalance of bargaining power. For example, if one parent has always had greater responsibility for the day-to-day care of the children, it can feel as if that parent holds the trump card when it comes to sorting out the children's future arrangements or making key decisions about, say, schooling or a child's medical care. Mediators are trained to look out for and address such power imbalances and to facilitate a level playing field, ensuring that discussions are conducted at a pace that allows time for both parents to digest information and take advice from the professionals supporting them along the way. By ensuring that both parents have an equal voice, mediators help to create balanced discussions that prioritise the children's needs.
- By ensuring that children's voices are heard: although children do not participate directly in their parents' mediation sessions, mediators can ensure that their voices are heard, for example by asking parents to relay each child's feelings and perspectives or, if helpful, by arranging for a separate session with a Child-Inclusive Mediator who can speak with the children (without their parents present) to gauge their wishes and feelings.
- By providing a forum in which parents can come up with a bespoke agreement: each family is unique, and family mediators recognise this by facilitating discussions in which parents come up with tailored plans to accommodate the specific needs of their family and their children, their individual schedules, and their lifestyles. In common with other forms of NCDR, mediation can allow parents to "personalise" their agreements in a way that court proceedings do not easily lend themselves to.
- By ensuring privacy and confidentiality: with certain exceptions (for instance if there is an indication that a child might be at risk of harm), the discussions that take place within the context of mediation are private and confidential. This can be reassuring to parents (including those in the public eye) who wish to protect themselves, and by extension the wider family, from public exposure of family disputes.
For more information on how our specialist team can help you, visit our NCDR hub.